


If I Close My Eyes will You still be Here?

by TheBannedAuthor



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Gen, Major character death - Freeform, Spoilers, alternate ending to Coda, some bethyl, spoilers for 5a, spoilers for 5x08: Coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:16:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3425882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBannedAuthor/pseuds/TheBannedAuthor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the author's frustration at the ending of 5x08: Coda.</p><p>Inside the trunk she and Daryl have hid in, Beth begins to feel her eyes close. But she can't fall asleep. Not now. If she closes her eyes he might leave her behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Close My Eyes will You still be Here?

**Author's Note:**

> This one was a bitch.
> 
> I am one of many who is angry, frustrated, and disappointed at the untimely death of an amazing woman character (blonde girls seem to have the worst luck on this damn show). I can be neither satisfied with her ending nor can I bring myself to believe she may be brought back. So I wrote my own ending for her. This is based on three things.  
> 1) She should have killed Dawn.  
> 2) She should have had a final farewell to Daryl if not her own sister.  
> 3) Her death, while not drawn out, should have some meaning for herself besides man/Maggie pain.
> 
> It tore me to pieces to write this, it was like watching her die all over again, but I had to get it out of my system. I do feel slightly more satisfied and not as enraged (let's hope this doesn't make those who read this even more enraged).
> 
> If she is brought back later in this season I owe everyone who reads this $5.

If I Close My Eyes will You still be Here?

Beth had never been in more fear for her life than she was the night she and Daryl had hid from the walker horde in the trunk of that car. Though she had no doubt Daryl would protect her, there was just something about being trapped in a cramped space, the dead milling about outside, with a man who hated her that left her unsettled.

Daryl didn’t hate her, he was just upset. She had to keep telling herself that all the time she was with him. Every time those cold blue eyes glanced at her she could feel them asking _‘Why are you still here?’_ She was the weak link of the group. The girl with the lowest walker kill, the girl who still wrote in a diary, the girl who sang. The girl who tried to kill herself. Andrea had at least done something. She’d been vital after she had tried to commit suicide. Beth, she just became a waste of space.

 _No he doesn’t believe that either, none of them do._ Sometimes she did though.

She’d been the one taking care of Judith, not going off on runs like Daryl and Glenn and Tyreese. She loved Judith and loved caring for her. It was almost like having a child of her own. Beth didn’t realize until now that might have diminished the others view of her survival. But she could survive on her own. Couldn’t she?

Daryl didn’t move the whole time they were in that trunk, his crossbow held at the ready, occasionally looking toward her to silently speak. They’d been getting better at that. Since he refused to talk this was the only way of communication.

Though she was tense with fear and adrenaline, Beth at one point felt her eyes drooping. No, she couldn’t shut them. _Don’t fall asleep_. She’d slept a week straight after her mother had died, both times; she’d used up her impromptu passing out timing.

And what would Daryl think if she fell asleep? Probably that she was weak or frail. That he had no use for her. He might even leave her behind. He could survive on his own.

 _No, he’s not gonna do that. That’s not who he is_. Did Beth even know who he was? They’d met a year and a half ago and this had been the most time they’d spent together. And he’d only said about ten words to her the whole time. She didn’t know what he was capable of.

 _If I close my eyes will you still be here?_ She thought, looking straight at him. He made no movement to show he heard that thought. So much for silent communication.

Beth didn’t fall asleep, her eyes drooping were just a fluke. She was stronger than that.

But in the morning when they had gotten out of the trunk. Daryl looked at her. Maybe it was to check if she was all right but again she felt the accusation in his eyes. _Why are you still here?_

 _I don’t know. But I am_.

Beth didn’t know who Daryl was but he didn’t know who she was either. She was stronger than that.

 

**. . .**

 

“Wait-“ Beth hugged Noah, holding onto him for a long time. She didn’t want this. Noah taking her place.

She opened her eyes to see Dawn looking at her. Her gaze was full of pity, like she wasn’t forcing Noah back into her group, under her thumb.

She should give him the scissors; he’d have a better shot at her. No. She had to do this.

Beth let go of Noah, giving him a smile. He returned it, but, god, did he look so scared.  She stepped past him, facing down Dawn.

Dawn didn’t moved, she looked Beth in the eyes, not quite sure what she was doing. She had a hand on the holster of her gun.

“…I get it now.” Beth said. She really did.

Dawn relaxed and Beth used that to her advantage. She stabbed the scissors into her and heard a bang. She looked over Dawn’s shoulder to see who had shot but then her legs caved in and she fell to the ground.

Dawn was standing over her, the gun in her hand, the scissors in her shoulder. Beth put a hand to her stomach and it came away bloody. She had shot her. Time seemed to slow down. Dawn crouched down, her eyes wide _“I didn’t mean to I didn’t mean to”._ Both Rick and Daryl went for her at the same time. Daryl picked Beth up in his arms. Rick pushed Dawn against the wall pressing the barrel of his gun to her chest. “Do not move! You-“ He looked at Dr. Edwards. “Help her!”

Dr. Edwards was shouting now for the wards to get a gurney. He would have to operate on her to save her. It was happening all over again.

Daryl was bringing her toward the gurney and Beth looked over at Dawn. She hadn’t meant to shoot her, it had been a reflex reaction. But now Beth would owe her after the doctor saved her.

She’d spent weeks with Daryl. She knew exactly where he’d keep his gun. As he lowered her onto the gurney, telling her she’d be okay, she reached down to his belt. She grabbed the gun and held it up, shooting Dawn between the eyes.

She dropped Daryl’s gun and it clattered to the floor, the only sound heard in the hallway. Rick now had Dawn’s and her own blood on him. His face. Beth nearly wanted to laugh, he seemed so surprised. He raised his gun at the other officers, shouting at them not to move.

Daryl though, he didn’t seem to care what had happened to Dawn. He put Beth on the gurney, wheeling her into a hospital room himself, a hand on her stomach to steam the blood flow. There was so much blood already. It was a mortal wound but she could still be saved. Daryl thought that at least. He showed it by putting a hand to her cheek, telling her she’d be okay, comforting her. Beth wanted to tell him it was all right, but she was having a hard time breathing.

Rick now was in the room, pushing Dr. Edwards inside. He held the gun to his head but Edwards looked back at him. “There’s no need for that. You’re not the only one who cares about her.” He went over to Beth and lifted up her shirt. “No exit wound, the bullet may have hit an artery. We’re gonna have to put her under and get it out.”

“S-stop-“ Beth said. Her voice didn’t sound like her own but the three men looked toward her so it must have been. She looked at Rick, “Dead? She dead?” She had to make sure.

Rick nodded after a second. “G-good.” She sunk back into the hospital bed and looked up at Daryl. “It hurts-“ That’s not what she wanted to say but it was ripped from her. Rick was the one who answered, “I know, I know.” He crouched by her bedside. “It’s gonna be okay. You’ll get through this.”

 _It’s better this way, darlin’_.

Beth choked hearing that voice, _Daddy I don’t wanna go_. “I don’t wanna go….” She said aloud, surprising both Rick and Daryl.

“Ya ain’t goin’ nowhere.”  Daryl answered. He was holding her hand now and Rick had the other. She looked up at him, almost laughing, “I told you- I told you you’d miss me-“

 _Let it go, sweetheart._ Hershel’s voice was clearer than the others.

 _…why?_ She asked. She wasn’t supposed to die. Not like this.

_It’s your time. God is calling you home._

“…I’m scared.” She’d spoken aloud again, her voice faint. Dr. Edwards had the anesthetic ready and he was holding the needle to her arm. “N-no!” She couldn’t shout but she could whisper. If she was going to die she didn’t want him wasting anything on her.

_It’s all alright, Bethy. You won’t be alone. You’re never gonna be alone again._

_I’m so scared Daddy._

_I know, sweetheart, I know._

_Help me not be?_

She heard a song start, a song she’d written herself during her time with Daryl. Somehow Hershel knew it and it gave her comfort.   _It’s better now Beth. It’s better like this._ She could be eaten by walkers, killed by people like the Governor and die alone. But she was here with friends. Maybe it was better.

Her vision was beginning to blur. She looked toward Daryl again, finally asking “If I close my eyes will you still be here?” She had meant it just for him earlier but this time it was for all of them.

“…yes.” Rick answered. He had to answer because Daryl couldn’t. She couldn’t see very well but she knew Daryl was struggling not to cry. He shouldn’t be afraid to cry, he’d already done it in front of her before.

She wanted to tell him it’d be okay. He’d be okay. But it was already past her time.

She could hear her father’s voice calling her home.


End file.
